"Forgiveness Unleashed: A Healing to Unburdened Hearts"

Dec 4

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."—Ephesians 4:32(NIV)

Happy December! As we continue our “Reclaimed Series”—This month, I wanted to turn our attention to the theme of ‘Forgiveness’—A choice each one of us make, not just for the one who seeks it but primarily for the one who extends it. This has been a tough one to write. It may look different for each one of us. It varies for all of us with our life experiences and how we process and handle forgiveness. With that in mind, I want to try my best to get to a common ground, without taking any shortcuts.

So, let's start by asking ourselves a relatable question: How many of us have attempted to carry 5, 7, maybe 10 bags of groceries, insisting on handling them all in one go? Lugging them up into the house, with every possibility of not making that second trip. This ability to carry the load is like a challenge we give ourselves, right? A self-imposed challenge—a proof to our determination and strength. Each bag becomes a test, a reward for our stubborn dedication.

Now, let's swap those bags of groceries with a grudge—a burden we're not ready to put down.

You see, we often find ourselves determined to keep a grudge, deeming it justified. Someone doubted our ability, hurt our feelings, caused us pain, or inflicted harm. To us, that feeling is entirely valid. It’s like saying, “I can carry this load; I don’t need any help.”—A symbol of self-sufficiency.

But here’s the thing: as we cling to the weight of those metaphorical bags, they get heavier with each step.

The bags of grapes or bananas somehow transform into bricks and chains. Just like the grudge, the longer we cling to it, the heavier it becomes. This grudge, initially a response to an external event, not only grows in weight but starts affecting us even more than the person who caused the problem in the first place. You almost feel you have the "right" or “deserve” to fuel this grudge. The burden, initially manageable, turns into an oppressive force—a chain that binds you to negativity. Holding onto a grudge is like insisting on carrying all the burdens alone, preventing you from experiencing the joy of shared responsibilities and support.

The grudge—like a challenge we give ourselves, hides the happiness that comes when we let things go.

So, what happens then when we finally decide to let go of that grudge—

Well, forgiveness happens—it is like setting down the bag of groceries and having the freedom to no longer carry that huge load.

Forgiveness isn’t about saying what others did was right. It’s about freeing yourself from the heaviness of being mad and resentment. The longer we cling to them, the more they shape our identity. They become a part of who we are, overshadowing the joy and lightness that come with letting go.

Forgiveness is a choice, not just for the one who seeks it but primarily for the one who extends it.

We will dig deeper down the paths of forgiveness throughout this month, but a quick snippet of the difficult concept of forgiveness—

Typically, when we think of forgiveness, we think of the “transactional” kind, right? You know where there is the offense, and the offender confesses a fault and receives forgiveness from the offended, which is basically a “transaction” between the offender and the offended.

This is hard to do, especially when that grudge has its hold on us. But we must remember that we are called to forgive, knowing that God extends forgiveness to us. Even when reconciliation seems uncertain.

"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."—Colossians 3:13

But, have you ever thought about unilateral forgiveness? It's not about the other person apologizing or even realizing they hurt you. It seems to me that this type of forgiveness is where YOU decide to let go of the bag of groceries, to unload the heavy load for YOURSELF. It's not saying what they said or did was okay; it's saying your peace, and “eternal salvation” matters more than the perceived “entitlement” you feel you deserve.

This type of forgiveness can be hard to fathom because, unilateral forgiveness mirrors the grace and mercy modeled by Jesus on the cross.

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”—Luke 23:34

This act of forgiveness seems to not be conditional on an apology, but is a choice to release the hold of resentment. Now, I don’t know about you, but this one is HARD. There have been too many times to count when I just don’t want to let it go. I don’t want to let go of that hurt the other person caused me. I then remember, that if I do not forgive others, then my God will not forgive me.

"For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." —Matthew 6:14-15

Now, forgiveness, however, doesn’t mean surrendering us to continued harm. We must establish healthy boundaries, ensuring our well-being while still extending grace to others. As we forgive unilaterally and transactionally, we must choose wisdom and discernment to protect our hearts and minds.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." —Proverbs 4:23

So, as we continue in our ‘Forgiveness Unleashed’—Think about the weight you carry—the grudges that have become heavy bags. Imagine that moment of what happens when we decide to let go of the heavy bag of groceries. Even if it feels like giving up on a challenge or letting go of a feeling of “entitled anger”.

As we continue down this series of forgiveness, inspired by the unconditional love we receive from our Heavenly Father, we will try to dig deeper into the forgiveness we give to others, the forgiveness we give ourselves, and the forgiveness we receive from God—every step in this journey is a chance for us to reclaim our hearts from the chain of resentment.

Continue to join us in our “Reclaimed Series”as we journey through ‘Forgiveness Unleashed’.